Loosing while still here Part 4

Wednesday the 23rd the Hardest Job of my life ended. I am no longer loosing him while he is still here. I have lost. My Master/Lover and my reason for not being a wandering stray left this World as he wanted, at home and sleeping. The past few days have been like none other of my life. I hurt in ways I did not think I could physically. My very soul hurts. I know that my own life must restart and go one, but how. HOw do I focus on me when for all these years it has been focused on Thom? Him First, of the road a lot for him, The nightly phone call to home to say I am OK on the road and helping my passengers enjoy their trip. The constant calls to me when weather was bad or I was running late. The tall 6'4" Man with the most amazing Blue Eyes I have ever seen meeting me at the door when I came home. Comments like " NO surprise dinners for a while" Always said after a few days of me tryin new recipes. Meat and Potatoes where always his favorite. this pup's pallet was a lot more varied. I hope that this pain will pass someday. I never knew it would hurt this bad. I am glad I took the chance, or I would have missed the dance. I miss you so much already Thom, what do I do now without you here?